Continuing at a Different Place

Well, yesterday couldn't have come sooner. The boys were finally moved to Fair Oaks. We are very excited about this. One baby liked the ride, the other did not; go figure. I will have to upload some new photos of them. They have grown enough in 1 week to make a big difference. Baby A doesn't look so anorexic anymore because he has gained some weight. He is over 4 lbs and his cheeks are filling out nicely. Baby 5 is over 5 lbs still. He hasn't put on any new weight. The boys are adjusting to their new place well. The room is HUGE. I really mean that. There is a bathroom in their room as well. That will be nice because I won't have to leave the NICU and then gain entry again to use the bathroom. There is a shower just in case we want to stay. There are lots of chairs and 1 reclining chair which is actually very comfortable. The nurse there told me that they will be pushing the boys to get better quickly. I am okay with that. Yesterday, Baby A started to cry. He looked like he was trying to eat something because he kept turning his head when you would rub his face and he would try to suck on his fists. I put a pacifier in his mouth and he took and was completely happy with it. I was pretty shocked because he has NEVER done this. The nurse was thrilled. Today, he did the same thing. He was upset that he was hungry, like normal babies are, and so I gave him his pacifier and he was thrilled. I don't think he feels satisfied because his feeding tube isn't in his stomach, it is in his intestines. Even Baby B doesn't feel satisfied because he can't have his food from a bottle yet. His tube is in his stomach though so if I am there and he is getting his food I have to give him his pacifier so he feels like he is at least eating his food. Poor kids. I hope this means they can have bottles for them soon. Baby A has to take baby steps to a bottle though. He has to have his feeding tube pulled back into his stomach to see if he can tolerate that first. It will be a very small amount to start out with but eventually the nurses will get to a bottle.

So much changes in the NICU in a blink. It is hard to blog about everything that changes everyday. I did take 2 Christmas stockings over to the NICU and I hung it up on the wall. I am sure Santa knows to go over there. I should be playing Santa but the girls are still awake and you can't be Santa with your kids still awake. I did eat some of the cookies though. :) Hopefully they don't get out of their beds. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.

Disappointed

Since the last post, Baby A has been able to come off of CPAP and onto the nasal cannula. That is exciting. Baby B's breathing is just fine. Remember how I told you that things change in an instant? Well, this past weekend Baby A was found to have a staph infection on his face. It is from the bandages on his face that hold the cannula and feeding tubes in place. Since they don't change the tape that often, dirt and grime get under the tape and of course other things get under the tape and it led to staph infection. Of course Baby B didn't want to be left out so he now has staph infection on his face as well. :} I can hold them still but I have to wear a horrid gown and gloves. This gown always heats me up and I end up sweating to death before I am even done holding one baby. I usually have to step outside where it is cooler then come back and hold the other one. I have to wear the gown for a while now until it is all clear. Since they just found the staph for Baby B, it will be a very long time until the gown can go away.

Baby A weighs 4lbs now and Baby B weighs 5lbs now. They were going to be transferred to Fair Oaks last week but the snow storm was imminent and since there was a ton of other transfers that needed to be done, the boys kept getting bumped. So now since Baby A isn't breathing as well on his cannula as he was last week he can't be transferred. Since I refuse to transfer one baby without the other then they both stay at Fairfax. Anyway, other than that they are fine. I go in everyday to hold them and to try and feed Baby B his bottle. He only gets a little bit through a bottle and he gets mad that he can't eat from a bottle. He puts his hands in his mouth to try and suck on them, he turns his head both ways looking for that bottle, and he will just flat out cry because he can't suck on a bottle. When I am there and they start his feeding I have to let him suck on a pacifier because that is not how he wants to eat. So I hold him and he sucks on his pacifier while the food goes into his stomach through a tube. I know he hates it but for now that has to work because he has to take little steps in order to be fed a whole bottle. It is really sad to see though. I can imagine that it wouldn't be satisfying to just be fed through a tube.

I don't know when Baby A will be learning to feed. It is a very frustrating process though because I really want my babies home. BUT, I do want them to be completely healthy. So, here is to another holiday in the NICU. At least Santa will visit there as well. Santa did stop by the NICU on Saturday though and the boys were able to get pictures with him. No, Santa did not hold or touch the boys he just stood on the outside of the isolette. I am hoping it doesn't ice over on Christmas because that would be too hard to sit here and not go visit on Christmas day. We were very tempted to go and visit the boys this past Saturday even with the snow. It isn't anything we haven't driven in before when were in Idaho. We will see what happens. Take care and have a merry Christmas. I know we will.

Lately...

It has been hard to blog every day but so much changes from day to day. This last Sunday the doctors decided to try the nasal cannula on baby a. He did well on it. However, the next day they did a blood gas and of course the CO2 levels were too high. So, they put baby a back on the CPAP. Tuesday, the doctors wanted to try the nasal cannula again because they need to get to a point so they can start trying to give him a bottle. He needs to learn that before he leaves the hospital. They put the cannula on him while I was there and he looked so cute without the CPAP. So far he has been doing well on the nasal cannula and his blood gas has been fine. We will cross our fingers it remains that way. He hates the CPAP because it rubs on his nose and he doesn't do well with it. I went in yesterday and I was able to kangaroo hold each of them. No it wasn't at the same time but that is okay. They are both getting bigger and it is nice to just hold them. We might be able to transfer to Fair Oaks at some point soon. We are very excited about that but we are sad to leave the doctors and nurses who have taken such great care of the boys. Fair Oaks is smaller and they can both stay in the same room until they leave. The parking is free and you can valet park your car for free as well. I love that feature. The biggest point of all is that Fair Oaks is closer. We like that idea. The boys still have a while to go in their hospital stay so something closer will be great. Baby B is learning to eat with a bottle. He will eat 5 cc's and he does well with that. When he has more than that he kind of forgets to breathe while he is eating. So, obviously he will be in the hospital for a while so he can learn that. I will post some pictures when I can. I am pretty busy. I spend a lot of time in the NICU with the boys and then I am so tired by night time that we just sit here and crash. Our place is pretty messy as well so don't come by anytime soon. I might not let you in. :)

Getting Better

I know it's been a while but here are some updates. Jacob is still on the CPAP but his pressure isn't as high as it was. If he does well enough over the next several days then he can go to the nasal cannula like Benjamin has. That will be better because right now the air masks he has is rubbing his nose raw. I know that is sad to think about, but be glad you don't have to see it. That is pretty sad. His face has a yeast infection because some moisture found it's way underneath some bandages that were on his face and cultured there. His face is clearing up after only a day on the ointment they gave him. I went in this morning and I held him. I kangaroo held him so he was on my chest and we were laying down in a chair they have that reclines. I am so tired I fell asleep as well. It was hard to stay awake with a warm baby, warm blankets, and the comforting sounds of his breathing. So, we took a nap. He wasn't too happy with me when I had to put him back. I did have to leave so we could get ready for church. Jacob weighs about 3 lbs 9 oz now. He is gaining weight and hopefully this is helping him to continue to breathe better. Weight and time seem to be helping.

Benjamin is quite the character as well. They both make the same faces, which I have found odd. They both have the same sad, happy, and crying faces. Yes I know they are identical but they are two different babies in the end. Anyway, these faces might confuse whoever wants to hold them later on because you can't use facial features to tell them apart. There is a birthmark on Benjamin but no one can see it unless you are changing his diaper. Benjamin had a bath today and at first he didn't know what to think of it. He later calmed down long enough only for me to yank him out of the warm water and wrap him up in a towel that wasn't quite as warm. He weighs about 4 lbs 7 oz now. Yes, he is still in the preemie sizes of clothes and I keep trying to put newborn sizes on him and they don't come close to fitting him. Maybe in a week or two those newborn sizes won't be so big. That is it for now. I will try to do more updates. It is hard to keep up with the boys though because they are progressing very quickly. Benjamin is breathing room air right now. He will be the first one home. Hopefully Jacob won't be too far behind because I don't know how I would be able to go and visit him with a newborn home.

Lots of Ups and Downs

I know I don't update the blog much but there are too many ups and downs for that. Every time I call or go over to the NICU there is always something different. Sometimes it is a good different and sometimes it isn't so great. For example, both boys have been doing well. Benjamin has really taken off and has done the best. He is on a nasal cannula right now and he is tolerating his feedings. He is also 3lbs 14oz and he keeps gaining weight. He is so much fun to hold and he is just cute. Jacob has had a harder time. I think it is directly related to the fact that they had Twin Twin Transfusion Syndrome and he was always behind. He is off the ventilator and hopefully he stays off of it. The doctors gave him a steroid that has pretty nasty side effects at a high dose. It is something I worry about though but that steroid is keeping him off the ventilator for now. Last week I was able to go in and help bathe him and I was also able to hold him for about an hour after that. That was Thanksgiving day. Since then I haven't been able to hold him because he works so hard to breathe that some days he doesn't do well and the nurses won't let me hold him. I hate those days. Jacob seems to do well when I am allowed to hold him. I hold him about once or twice a week and that is it. I hold Benjamin every time I go in to visit. Thank goodness there are two. If I can't hold one I can hold the other. It isn't the same because Jacob is different but that is okay. Doug hasn't been able to hold him yet so I can't complain much.

Being in the NICU Thanksgiving day was very interesting. We have so much to be thankful for. This pregnancy was full of downs and finally in the end there were some ups. I feel like I can breathe now although the boys are in the hospital and not with us. They were born and were able to gain a body. I love that. I am so grateful for that. Even though there are a lot of ups and downs these boys are true miracles. I didn't think the boys were going to get past the 16th week of pregnancy. Doug and I thought we were going to lose them back then. The fact that they are here is amazing and I feel very lucky and privileged that they came to me; even though it wasn't fun at all during this past summer.

We can't wait for them to come home but we do know that they are in the hospital for a reason and we will be more than okay bringing home 2 healthy babies. We can wait for that. We have waited this long for them to get here. What will another 7weeks do?

Hopefully This Lasts

So, today I went in and was able to kangaroo hold Benjamin. Remember that is when I take my shirt off and I hold the baby to my chest for as long as they let me. It was great and at the end Benjamin let out a yelp right before he went to the nurse. It was so cute. He weighs a whopping 3lbs 14oz. He is doing really well with his food. The nurse also told me that his picc line should be out by the weekend. That is great because I will be able to get him in and out of his isolette without the nurses and I won't have to be as careful of his foot. I am careful with him but with that out if I hold his foot I don't have to worry about the picc line coming out.

Jacob is off of his ventilator!!! For now anyway. The doctor is really hoping he can stay off the ventilator. I didn't hold him tonight but I think I will push for that tomorrow. I hope he will be good and stay off the ventilator. He is on CPAP now. It is at a high rate but they are watching him really closely to see if he is good or not. I am praying he is done with the ventilator. I know he hated that thing. I heard him for the first time today. He is pretty cute as well. I can't wait to hear him yelp like Benjamin did today.

Little chunkers

I just have to write that Benjamin is now 3.5 pounds. What a little chunker!!! I haven't called about Jacob yet so I am waiting to see what he weighs. They are pretty close to each other so it is great they are gaining so much weight. I am so excited about this but they are still very small babies. Benjamin's head fits in my hand still. :)

I just called about Jacob and the nurse said he is at 3 pounds now. They are increasing his amount of breast milk. She also said that they might be taking his tube out in the next 24-48 hours. Then he will go to CPAP and we will be able to start holding him. I am so excited. I don't want to jinx it though. Please pray that he will be able to get off the ventilator.

So Cute

Have you ever heard a squeaky dog toy? You know the kind you squeeze and it makes a cute high pitched sound? Well, that is kind of what Benjamin sounds like when he hiccups. It is really cute because his hiccup is very high pitched because he is so small. When he cries...it kind of just makes you laugh. He cried a little bit for me last night when I started holding him. He can pick up his head and move it from side to side. He has great control of his neck and it is weird seeing a baby this small move his head so well. He also runs out of steam really quickly so as he would move and stretch around he would fall asleep in the middle of stretching. This made for some hilarious positions and most of the nurses would stop and stare for a minute, although they were really busy last night. Oh and did I tell you...Benjamin is off of his CPAP and he is breathing through a nasal cannula. He started yesterday out at 3 liters of oxygen and by the time I arrived there last night he was down to 2.5 liters. When he gets down to about half of a liter they will take him off of that and let him try to breathe on his own. That is exciting.

Jacob is still on his ventilator but he is slowly gaining some ground. He is getting a little better each day. I don't know when he will be off of that but for now I can change his diaper and I can help give him a bath, if I am there when they do that. If I can't time it right I sit beside him and I put my hands on his back and we just sit there. I do that until he gets agitated with that, then I go and see Benjamin.

The incisions on their backs are getting better. They aren't so puffy anymore. I kept thinking that would be how we could tell them apart, but they both have the same scar in the same spots. When they get older the scar will be so small you won't be able to use that to tell them apart either. I keep looking for something that is noticeable to everyone but there isn't much to go by. I can tell them apart now. They weigh about the same now which is great considering Jacob weighed 10 oz less than Benjamin just 3.5 weeks ago. They are both tolerating the breast milk well. The doctors increase the amount of breast milk they get every day. Sometimes the amount the boys get will go up several times a day. That is great because they need the fat to help them maintain their warmth. I don't think the boys have a problem with this though. They are little heaters. I held Benjamin last night for about 2 hours and he was very warm when I put him back in his isolette. At some point the nurses will start to bottle feed Benjamin. I think this happens next week. Jacob would also be able to bottle feed if he wasn't on the ventilator. When I hold Benjamin I bother him with sticking a pacifier in his mouth so he can try and suck on it. He hates it but he is doing well with it. The nurses said that babies will forget how to suck if they don't keep persisting with the pacifier. Anyway, I think that is all I have for now. I will try to take some pictures of me holding him and without his CPAP so everyone can see on of them. Oh, and just for documentation purposes these boys have blonde hair and blue eyes...for now anyway. :)

A Great Day

I had a great day today. Two days I was able to start holding Benjamin. I wasn't able to do kangaroo care with him but I was able to hold him. kangaroo care is when you hold your baby bare chest to bare chest. The nurses put a gown on you and a little privacy screen goes around you so you aren't exposed. Anyway, kangaroo care helps preemies improve faster than expected and it helps preemies with their breathing as well. In the end, kangaroo care with your preemie can also mean less NICU time for your baby. Of course there is an added benefit of holding your baby and bonding. Anyway, I was able to hold start holding Benjamin a few days ago. Even though he was all wrapped up he still cuddled right next to me. We both enjoyed it.

Yesterday I went in to visit the boys and I was told I could help bathe Jacob. I was so excited because Jacob is still on his ventilator and touching him other than putting my hands on him seems impossible. The nurse let me bathe him. She stood right beside me and instructed me on what to do. It was exciting!! He really liked me. As I was washing him he did decide to pee. Of course there was nothing covering him and he sprayed quite a bit. I am still learning all of this with boys. If I would have been standing 2 inches to my left I would have been sprayed. Instead he sprayed the floor. I didn't have to clean that up. :) All of the nurses died laughing because they know these are my first boys. It was kind of a good thing Jacob did that because his bedding needed to be changed after that. That meant I had to hold him for the nurse so she could change his bedding. At first she asked if I wanted to change his bedding or hold him. I picked to hold him, of course! Then the nurse asked me if I had held him yet. I told her I hadn't and so she grabbed the ventilator and I was able to cuddle with him for just a quick minute. He cuddled right up to me and went to sleep. I loved it. It has been three and half weeks since he was born and I was finally able to hold him. I was so excited, even if it was for just a minute. Jacob won't be coming off of his ventilator for a while though, so I won't get to hold him that often. I really pray a lot that he can get better and heal enough so he can graduate from the ventilator to CPAP. Then I can start kangaroo care on him.

Today, I was able to bathe Benjamin. That was fun as well. Since he if off of his ventilator you can hear him cry now. It is the cutest thing you have ever heard. His cry is so small and quiet. I love it. He didn't cry a whole lot though, which shocked me. I figured he would because most babies cry while you bathe them because they get a little cold. He loved it. The little bit of crying he did do was short lived and absolutely adorable. After I bathed him the nurses bundled him up and I was able to do kangaroo care with him. YEA!!! We both enjoyed it. He cuddled right next to me and he went to sleep. I held him for almost and hour and a half. The nurse let me hold him a little longer because he was able to hold his temperature really well. In fact, his temperature was a little on the high side. He is a little heater and that is great he can hold his own temperature. I can go and hold him everyday like that if I want. When I was holding him his breathing was steady and his heart rate was great. He kept sliding around a little bit and he would settle right over my heart when he heard it. I kept moving him so it was easier to hold him and he would scoot back down again. It was funny and after I realized what it was he was looking for I stopped moving him. He was happier after that. I can't wait until Jacob is off of his ventilator so I can do kangaroo care with him as well. I will patiently wait though. I have waited 3 weeks to hold him for just a minute, I can wait a little longer, I am sure.

Okay Here You Go

I figured I can post 2 pictures of the little ones. I will not be using their names though. If you haven't heard what their names are then you can email me and I will let you know. Anyway, these babies have come a long way and they still have a long way to travel but the road isn't as bumpy anymore (I hope). Baby A is almost off of his ventilator and Baby B is much closer to being off of his ventilator than his brother is. I woke up sick on Tuesday and I have been banned from the NICU until tomorrow. That is pretty hard not being able to see your babies. The nurses keep asking how I am when I call and I keep asking if the boys are sick or not. I really worry that they will get what I had. I don't know what would happen if they would get sick right now. So far the boys are okay though. They are both being fed breast milk. They have both recovered fairly well from their surgery. They are off of their pain medicines and other medications they had to be on for the surgery. Baby A weighs 2lbs 10oz and Baby B weighs 3lbs 3oz. The boys have sandy blonde hair and we still can't tell what their eye color will be. Their hair does seem to be getting lighter with every bath they get though. I am hoping it stays that color. I think that is all for now. I will keep everyone posted on whether or not they get sick. These pictures were taken right after they were born. They have gained a lot of weight since then.

I do have some funny stories about these two though. Our boys apparently are very feisty. Baby A has taken his ventilator out successfully by his self. He was being bathed the other day and he took it out. He is also successful at taking his leads off and scaring the nurses. Baby B is about the same. He was on his stomach the other day with his ventilator in. The nurse walked away and about 15 minutes later she looked over and he had lifted his head and turned to face the other way. The ventilator didn't come out but she was shocked by this. Every time the boys are on their tummies they will scoot all over the place. This also takes the leads off. The nurses all know these two right now. Every nurse I talk to has heard stories of these 2 little ones and they are only 2 weeks old. We are in for it, I think. :) I have other stories but I will save it for another post.

And Then You Feel Grateful

I went to a meeting for NICU parents this past Friday. It is a support group. I sat there and listened to everyone's stories and the heartache they are going through. Several thoughts crept into my mind after that meeting. One, I am so lucky I made it to nearly 28 weeks. Two, I am even luckier that I had those wonderful perinatologists watching over me (even though it wasn't fun in the hospital). Three, I am grateful I was given the steroid shots exactly when I hit 24 weeks because these babies are breathing really well compared to the other babies whose parents I met. I am thankful I get to touch them as much as I have been able to. I don't think you can touch the babies born at 23 weeks because their skin is still too fragile. It will be a long road in the NICU but our road isn't as long as some others. The baby next to me has been in there for 10 weeks already (he came around 24 weeks) and we think they have about 8 more weeks or so to go.

In the end, yes I am happy and grateful I sat in the hospital for 4 weeks bored out of my mind. I am grateful I have had the best doctors on my side for my entire pregnancy. I am so grateful my time in the hospital was able to buy our boys some great growing time inside. That is what I am thankful for this holiday season.

Sometimes this is frustrating

Doug and I knew we would have premature babies. It was the nature of this pregnancy. After the laser surgery I had we were told that the babies would need to be born at about 34 weeks. We were okay with that because our oldest was born that early. We didn't think much else would go wrong with the pregnancy because of what had already happened. We didn't think we were exempt from having other problems we just figured not much else would go wrong. It took us by surprise when the babies came at almost 28 weeks. I figured I have dealt with one preemie before I can do it again. So far things have gone well. The babies are doing as well as they can right now. They are still recovering from their surgeries. Both have gained some weight. Baby B is pushing 3lbs!! Baby A is pretty close behind his brother. That is great as well. They are premature though and I am reminded of that almost constantly. Premature babies are different. They really don't like to be touched or talked to because they aren't used to it yet. Last week I was able to touch them and very quietly talk to them. I did notice that sometimes they didn't like it. I think I reached my limit when I tried to touch Baby A last night and he freaked. His oxygen went down. Then I just tried to talk to him and his oxygen level went down again. Then I tried to just sit there and keep close but I had to move my hands out of the isolette that he is in and I had to shut the doors. That was the frustrating part. What were we doing there?! If we couldn't do anything but look we felt useless and in the way. So, after about 5 minutes of just sitting there and only looking we headed for Baby B. We washed our hands and pulled a few chairs close because he always lets us hang out with him. I put my hands over him and the same thing happened. Well, I didn't even bother to talk to him I just pulled my hands out and shut the door. I was seriously frustrated. We really didn't stay for long to stare at him. We left right away. There wasn't a real point to us being there. The nurses felt pretty bad as we left right away. We really didn't say much to anyone on the way out.

We were obviously upset because before the surgery we would be able to always touch them and at least talk to them. Not now. :( I know it isn't a personal front to me, but it would hurt anyone's feelings if they touched their own kid and the breathing would go down right away. You feel as if you are helping the decline of your own child. So, I came home and cried a little on the way home. I am not talking full on sobs but I had some tears. It was extremely frustrating. I know they have been through a lot. I suppose as parents we need to feel the love because we need to know we are wanted and needed. I know there is no way they could have prevented the babies from coming that early. Trust me, they did try but when you go from being dilated 2-8 in one hour there isn't much time for anything. They did try to stop it. So, I know this isn't my fault they are so early. I just want to touch them. I don't think it helped that a lot of parents were also able to hold their babies last night. We haven't been able to do that yet either. I think that adds to the hurt we were feeling. If you would have talked to me last night I would have told you that I didn't want to go back until they were much better in several weeks.

I woke up this morning and I needed to go to the hospital to get some paperwork done. I decided to just pop my head in and say hi. I wasn't going to touch them at all. I honestly didn't want to touch them. I couldn't touch Baby A because he was already having a fit from the nurse touching him too much. I did open the bed he is in and I said hi and that I loved him. His breathing evened out a little bit after I shut the door again. I stayed for a minute to look at him but there is nothing else I can do. So, I went to check in on his brother. Baby B was just waking up for the moment and his nurse took off his eye mask for me. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I wasn't going to touch him either because I don't think I could have been rejected two days in a row. The nurse encouraged me to go and wash my hands so I had the option if I wanted to. His vitals looked fine enough. I washed my hands and opened the little door. I just talked to him though. I wasn't going to touch. I couldn't. As soon as I said his name his eyes popped open and he tilted his head toward me. The nurse loved it. She told me to go ahead and touch him. She could see my hesitation and told me it isn't me, its the noise that he doesn't like and the stimulation from it. I tried. I touched his head and he cuddled right up to my hand. I felt loved again. :) I know they love me but it is nice to see it as well. We did this for a while. Then I put my other hand in and pushed his legs against his body so he was squished together. He really likes that. He was in heaven for the little while I was able to be there. That made me happy. We still can't hold them but for now this works. I still can't wait to hold them; that will be a while though. They both need to be off of their ventilators before that will happen. Like I said, this whole process is frustrating. Patience must be what I am supposed to be learning. Patience is something I don't have a whole lot of. I suppose this is why I must learn patience. :)

update on twins

I wanted to update everyone on our twins. They had surgery today on their hearts. They had a PDA that wasn't closed so the surgeon went in and closed it. Usually, when babies are closer to full term this artery closes by itself. Since the babies were so early, it didn't close. It is important for this surgery because if the PDA isn't closed the heart works very hard to pump too much blood to the lungs. Eventually the boys would have had problems from that if we didn't do the surgery now because they don't need that much blood going to the lungs. Now, since their PDA's have been closed the lungs will get the proper amounts of blood and things will start to work better. The boys should be able to breathe better and they can continue to heal and grow bigger and get healthy enough to come home at some point. It will take a few days for them to recover from this surgery before we start to see more improvement. We stayed at the hospital today to be with the boys before and after their surgeries. It was exhausting. During baby b's surgery we went over to Sweetwater Tavern because we were both really stressed and we couldn't go and sit with baby a because we were just reminded of what baby b was going through. The root beer was really great. I have never had root beer with an anise taste. Doug and I are convinced there are some other flavors in it although they wouldn't tell us what it was. We had never been there before and it was nice to be out of the hospital and we were able to concentrate on something else for a little while.

After baby b had his surgery we went in there to check up on him. He was still asleep and the nurse let us see his scar which was good for us because then we could see what happened and it wasn't as bad as we thought. It was also very hard to see them and not be able to touch them or kiss them. Preemies are very different and too much touching is not a good thing. That was the hardest for me anyway, not being able to just hold them and talk to them. I hope we will be able to hold them soon. I really can't wait for that part.

Thank you to everyone who fasted and prayed for us and our little boys. I believe all of our prayers have been heard and answered. That is honestly the only way we have been able to get through any of this. I will keep updating this blog about the twins and maybe here soon I will post some pictures of the boys.

New Arrivals

A post from my husband pulled from our family blog (it is private, so please contact me if you would like to be added to it):

Just a quick post about our good news. Our twins were born yesterday at about 3 pm. JDB weighed in at 2 lbs 1 ounce and 14 inches and BVB weighed in at 2 lbs 11 ounces and 15 inches. They were almost 28 weeks when they were born, so they will be in the NICU for a while (at least until December). Both seem to be doing well, but are having breathing issues and need to gain a lot of weight. All of this is expected (we are told) because they were born so early. According to the neonatologists, the babies are doing very well given they were born at 28 weeks. Apparently the Fairfax Hospital NICU is one of the best in the country, so we think they will be in good hands.

Shasta is doing well. She started contractions at 1:30 pm and was in full blown labor by 2:30 pm. The hospital did an emergency c-section that happened so fast, they had to put her under general anesthesia which has been hard for her to recover from quickly. There were apparently over 10 specialists in the room with her during the procedure. In the end, apparently the toxemia kicked in very strongly and forced her body to quickly remove the foreign objects (namely, the babies).

Needless to say, it has been a pretty crazy day and a half. We are pretty glad they are ok, and Shasta is thrilled about finally be able to leave the hospital soon and excited to return every day to tend the babies on her own terms and diet. It is really good thing Shasta was at the hospital, because who knows what would have happened had she been at home at the time. It was quite the blessing that she was there with a very competent staff.

We appreciate all of the constant prayers on our family's behalf and ask for your continued prayers on behalf of our family.

Internet Failure

Just when I thought I couldn't be more bored, the internet went out on Friday afternoon and still isn't working (my husband was kind enough to post this for me). I hope that things start working on Monday. At least it isn't just our computer. Apparently the internet for all patients is out.

I was able to get pet therapy I had hoped for. It was great.

The girls were able to visit on Sunday evening. They brought their costumes (E is Belle from Beauty and the Beast, and A is a butterfly princess, complete with wings) so that I could see them. They also brought a small pumpkin we all carved there in the hospital together. E and A both drew the face and my husband cut it out. It is probably the cutest pumpkin we have ever seen just because the eyes are so disproportionately large and are shaped differently. It was a lot of fun. I will post pictures of the pumpkin later.

After our Halloween festivities, my husband came back to the hospital (after he dropped off the girls with grandma) to watch the Angels/Yankees game. I like the Yankees (boo! - my husband's editorial) and my husband cheers for the Nationals, the Phillies, and anyone that isn't the Yankees. It has been fun to watch the postseason together. For the world series, we will both cheer for the Phillies, so it won't be as interesting. We will still watch though. Go Phillies!

Pet Therapy?

For the last few days I have seen dogs around walking the hallways. Yesterday I asked why they were up here and I was told it was because of pet therapy. I still don't know what it is but I can assume they bring the dogs up here to lower the stress and anxiety of patients. I asked the nurse about it this morning and an hour or so ago my doctor approved pet therapy. I really just wanted to pet the dogs. It is very stressful not knowing if today is the day your babies will be born or not. It is stressful that every morning someone is waking me up at 6:30am to monitor me and take blood and who knows what else. I don't go to bed early enough to be woken up at 6:30am. If I did I would never see Doug. There are a ton of other things I don't like such as the constant tests the doctors can run because I am in a hospital and they have free reign. So, why not let a dog come in here once or twice a week to calm my nerves a bit? It sounds pretty cool to me. I was told if I had a dog of my own then I could have someone bring that dog in pretty often. So, I can bring a dog in here but I can't bring my kids in? Whatever.

All sorts of people keep telling me I won't be in here for long. Even the doctors are amazed that I am still here. I wish they would quit telling me I won't be in here for long because then I won't be disappointed every morning when I go in for an ultrasound. I am happy I am at 27 weeks, don't get me wrong. I am thrilled!!! I really am. I know its better to have babies inside than out but there is too much anxiety here and a hospital is not a restful place. Let's face it they put people in here to treat the symptoms but they don't let you rest. ;)

By the way, when I do have these babies and I get home a few days after that, I am planning on crashing on my bed for a day or so straight. So you can call but I will be asleep in a very comfortable bed, with comfortable sheets, and I will be able to finally sleep on my back again. I am excited about that. Until then...bring the dogs in here and let me relax.

A Little Thought

I love to write. I am obviously not very good but I used to be. I used to write a lot of poetry and short stories. Of course every short story was made up but I did win some writing contests while I was in high school. I stopped writing after I met Doug because life went on turbo speed after that. I have since packed all of my poetry away. I haven't read anything I have written in years. That is why I have started this blog. This gives me a way to vent, keep a record of what has been going on, and it might help me improve my writing skills, although I have forgotten a lot of the grammatical rules. Just to set the record straight I did not forget to spell. I rarely use spell check because I either know how to spell or I will figure it out for myself and look it up in the dictionary so I can memorize that word. My oldest daughter is feeling the brunt of my obsession with spelling. I always make sure she can spell properly. I do get a few eye rolls every now and then but for the most part she is just as interested in spelling as I am. That is a great thing because her dad still asks me how to spell quite a few things. Although, he does trump me in spelling the legal words, but I am catching on very quickly. ;)

I also wanted to add that even though the stay in this hospital has been pretty awful by anyone's standards, I do hear about the people who read this blog. I am blown away by how many people actually read this blog because most of those people don't even live here in this area. With the visiting hours what they are it is probably hard for people to come and visit a lot. I have my regulars and I love that they come because I would really feel isolated here. I have noticed that on the weeks people can't stop by or call or email, it is extremely hard to get through that week and your attitude changes. Yet, every time I pray about being lonely I know I am not alone. Not for the obvious reasons though. I know we are never alone. I am pretty sure it is also because of how many people pray for me although I don't know about it. Honestly, it can get depressing being in this room 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Since Doug can only come after he puts the girls to bed it limits his time with me. The girls can only be here once a week and that means Doug's mom is only able to be here once a week because she takes care of the girls all week long. So, on the days I don't have visitors to keep me company, my mind starts to wander. I am so glad I believe in praying about my problems and occasional loneliness. I am also glad that others have been praying for me even though I can't hear their prayers. I do feel the love from those prayers and I don't feel so lonely after I pray about it. It is interesting how prayer works. Anyway, there is a little thought to get you through your day.

27 weeks and already sick of the hospital

Yes I am keeping quite the count down. What else am I going to do as I watch the days slip away? I have a tree line outside that I can watch the colors of fall appear on, but only so much will change in one day. The colors of fall happen so gradually. It is a game for my husband and I to try and take pictures of the family at the height of the fall season when all of the colors are at their peak. Not this year, I suppose. I do want him to get pictures with the girls though, he isn't thrilled about that; I won't be there.

Lately, the staff here thinks it is appropriate to wake me up at 6:30am every morning for blood work. Then the staff apologizes on their way out and they always say, 'go back to sleep, sorry for waking you.' LOL I can understand saying sorry for waking you, I can't for the life of me understand why someone would say go back to sleep. They say this after they draw your blood of course. It makes zero sense to me. So this week I have had someone in here everyday at 6:30am ready to draw to my blood. I thought a hospital was a place to get better? Or maybe a hospital is where people come to have their symptoms fixed and then they can go home to get better? I really don't understand this mystery. Isn't a hospital staffed all day and all night? You would think they have 24 hours to come and draw my blood so they really shouldn't need to do that at 6:30am? Oh well.

I have managed to lose weight through all of this though. That could be seen as a plus, if I wasn't pregnant with twins of course. :) It isn't because I am on a diabetic diet either (more on that front later). I honestly think it is because I am stressed being in here. One might think I shouldn't stress because it will raise my blood pressure. That is probably true but everyday there is a new test I need to do or something else they need to check or more blood work for not so obvious reasons. It is stressful. Then there is this one nurse who finds it so important to tell me, before she takes my blood pressure, that she will tell the doctor on me if my blood pressure isn't perfect. I know that already, you don't have to tell me that every time you come in here. LOL That only makes it worse. :) Ah the joys of a hospital.

I think hospitals are trying to steer toward customer service but that might take a while to accomplish, I think. There is this one nurse that does come in here once a week and her presence means... 'venting time'. She comes in here for the sole purpose of wanting to know what is going on and what needs to change. I like that time. I feel so much better after that. :) I think it's a great idea for venting time. Everyone should try it. Just vent to the wall if you can't find someone to vent to. It might help. :) No, I don't vent to the walls here in this room but some people could find that comforting. :) Anyway, I will write more on the hospital saga later.

26 weeks 5 days...baseball and football

The highlight of this past weekend was being able to see Doug for a lot longer than one hour and being able to see the girls again. I now have my own room, thank goodness, so Doug is able to stay as long as he wants or he could stay overnight. I don't know if he will do that because the 'bed' for him is very uncomfortable and we think the girls might freak if they were to wake up and find that Doug isn't there. It has been fun though because Doug and I were able to watch the entire Yankees game together. It was a lot of fun because he was rooting for the Angels (no he isn't a fan but anyone that is against the Yankees will get his support), and I was rooting for the Yankees. We watched 12 innings here at the hospital. After the 12th inning I could barely keep my eyes open. So, at about 1am he went home and turned the tv on to finish it. Unfortunately, I couldn't resist the lure of the exciting game so I turned the tv on again and finished the game. 13 innings, wow!!!!!! I could barely keep my eyes open. I was glad the Yankees were able to finish it off. Doug texted me with his disdain of the Yankees winning. :) Our hope is that the Phillies can pull it off and make it to the World Series. Then both of us will be rooting for the Phillies. That would be great to watch.

I watched the Eagles play as well. I was sorely disappointed that they lost because they did not play well at all. It was frustrating to watch because I know they can do a lot better than that. Doug was pretty upset as well when I told him how the game had been going because the Eagles lost to the Raiders. Really? I mean, lose to the Patriots or the Saints. Not the raiders. Definitely don't lose to the Redskins!!!! They are pretty bad this year. Yes I love to watch football and baseball. I have never been to a football game, maybe one day.

I have been to several baseball games. Since we have moved out here we have seen several Nationals games. Now my girls LOVE the Nationals and my oldest brings her pink and black baseball mitt to the games so she can try and catch a foul ball. We have only been close enough to even try for a foul ball one time. It was a few weeks ago and we were thrilled to be so close. The tickets were given to us by a friend. Anyway, so before the Nationals were up to bat, when they would come back to the dugout the pitcher would always throw the ball to the crowd. The first time was the closest my oldest came to getting a ball. The pitcher threw the ball to the little boy behind her. She was so excited it almost went to her. :) Then as the night wore on you could see her disappointment written all over her face. Right before we left, as the Nationals were coming back to the dugout everyone stood up to try and catch a ball. Well, my oldest was jumping up and down and she was so excited. At that precise moment, a very thin, beautiful, 20 something, tall girl stood on her seat a few rows in front of my oldest and guess who received that ball? The whole section we were in started laughing hysterically. It was hilarious. My oldest was distraught though. Of course my oldest didn't understand why the other girl was given the ball and she wasn't. My daughter was distraught because, and I quote, "how was I supposed to catch the ball when that girl was standing on her seat?! The pitcher couldn't see me!!" My sweet thing. For the rest of the night my daughter made sure to stand on her seat as well to try and catch the ball. She didn't end up catching one of those balls or a foul ball so we will try next year I suppose.

Then a few years ago Doug and I were lucky enough to be given tickets to the 4th, Cardinals-Boston game of the World Series. We were living in Delaware at the time so we decided to take the long drive out to St. Louis, overnight, so we could see the game later the same day we arrived. My sister came with us so she could watch our oldest while we were at the game. It was so much fun. I think Doug inhaled 2 sausage hot dogs with onion, peppers, and mushrooms. YUCK!!! Of course that was the beginning of what we ate. It was nice to have a date night at a place we really both enjoyed. We were hoping the Cardinals would win but if you know your baseball history then you know what happened. That was the year Boston 'broke the curse'. It was crazy after the game. I am glad we weren't in Boston for that win, I could only imagine how crazy it would have been. It was crazy enough and we were in St. Louis. A few months later the movie, Fever Pitch came out and it was great to see because at the end of the movie they show a few scenes from the game we were at. We really had a great time and of course we took a ton of pictures because we didn't know when we would ever be able to get back to a World Series game. If you look at my facebook account, my profile picture is of my husband and I at that game.

Before I end this post I will also add that I watch the Cardinals first. Then, if they don't make it to the World Series, I will watch the Philles. I do keep close tabs on the Phillies although I don't watch all of their games. I watch the Yankees because they are the Yankees, they are a pretty good team, and it is fun to watch Doug 'boo' at the Yankees when they do win. :)

26 weeks, 2 days and counting...

Today was another doppler. Yes, it was still high. I did manage to get wheelchair rides every day. I could go down to the lobby everyday to see my kids but I am kind of scared of getting the swine flu so I made the heartbreaking decision to not use my wheelchair rides for the purpose of hanging out in the lobby. I hate that. I really hate the swine flu and the fact that is has been so hard on pregnant women. Until I get vaccinated I don't want to take any chances. I also found out that people won't be allowed to visit at all if this hospital has over 25% of patients with the swine flu. That doesn't help bed rest at all. :} This hospital still hasn't recieved the H1N1 vaccine yet. So, if anyone from the CDC is reading this, would you please hurry that process up!!! I have found a ton of places that are pretty close by where I could go and get the shot. I even asked my doctor yesterday if I could go and get the shot at a clinic since this hospital doesn't ever seem to be a high priority on anyone's list. I was shocked that he considered it. But the answer was no. So much for my attempted jail break. :)

I also found out some not so great news today as well. I have pregnancy induced diabetes and pre-eclampsia. Yea for me. This day has not been fun at all. How am I supposed to feel like I want to go another 7 weeks being pregnant when most of the news I hear isn't good. I also have TTTS again and that isn't cool. That part has to be deja vu. I am sure I did the TTTS thing 10 weeks ago. They even considered having me get the surgery again.

Now I am on a very restricted diet, which means yuck food. Why do I have to be so darn picky? I suppose that is what happens when you choose to go into the culinary industry. Be warned: if you are a chef, a food connoisseur, a food critic, Chef Ramsey, or anything that trains your palate, DO NOT GET STUCK IN THE HOSPITAL!!! You won't make it, trust me. :) The dietician told me I couldn't pick my food anymore and I am assuming my eyes popped out of my head. The dietician looked at me and said, "Don't worry, you won't lose weight." HA, she thinks I am worried about that. Well, actually, yes I will lose weight because I am so darn picky. That has been one of the hardest parts of all this. The menu here really isn't that great. There have been several days of Doug bringing in the meals my friends have made for them (thanks you guys, your food has been great). And I was enjoying my fruit smoothies just about every day. That won't be happening anymore. The dietician said I am allowed to eat steak. Any suggestions for great steaks around here? I wonder how long it would take for me to get sick of steak? Anyway, so now I get my finger poked every couple of hours and that isn't fun. I was enjoying the freedom of not being watched over like a hawk. Now there is someone in here every hour or less wanting to poke at me or ask me a myriad of questions. 'sigh'

I do feel that President Hinckley wasn't joking when he said he really did not like being in the hospital. He is absolutely right on not having any privacy. Oh well, I suppose that is what happens when you are in a hospital.

I put a whole new spin on hi-risk though. One of the residents even told me this morning that I am 'one of the more complicated patients.' I am always here to help. Sometimes I feel like I am a science project and not a person, with the residents. The doctors are all really great at helping me feel normal. The residents on the other hand...they have a lot to learn still. :) I think I might help them with that. :)

I suppose this wouldn't be a trial of patience or faith if bad things didn't happen, right? I will go with that thought. I did find a scripture though that makes me laugh every time I read it. Are you ready for it? It is in Mosiah 23:21-22. It reads, "Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless- whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day..." I laughed so hard when Doug and I read that one night. He gave me this odd look. I am sure he thought I had lost my mind. I see the humor in it. Until next time...

26 weeks...

I am now 26 weeks. That is pretty cool considering when I came in here I was 24 weeks 5 days. I have no idea how long this will last but the nurses were excited that I hit 26 weeks. Their new goal for me is to get to 28 weeks. The babies are fine. Their heart rates are great, they are breathing now because of the steroid shots, and they are growing like they should be.

I was able to see my girls again this past Monday. That was cool. They came at night and hung out on my bed because I didn't have a room mate at the time. They watched Monster House and cuddled with me while Doug, his mom, and I talked. It was nice and relaxing and the girls didn't have to wear the face masks because they were in here with me. I really can't wait until I get my own room so we can hang out in the room and not have to worry about those face masks. Of course, good things can't last. On Tuesday, one of the head nurses came in and told me that I can only have the kids in here ONCE a week because it isn't fair to the other patients, who aren't allowed off of bed rest, if I am constantly bringing in my kids and they can't see theirs. On top of that they want to try and prevent the swine flu from creeping up here. I asked them if they would lighten up with that rule after the vaccines have come out. She said after people have been vaccinated I could probably see my kids more often, especially since I will be in my own room by then.

I moved into this room Monday and at the time I didn't have a room mate. A girl was put in here with me last night. I don't think she will be staying though because the doctors keep saying she can go home today or tomorrow. Then I will have the room to myself for a little while at least. It was nice just having me in here, although I did like talking to my last room mate. She isn't allowed out of bed and I am so I would go over to her side and we would chat about random things for hours. It helped to kill the time. I didn't like that her doctors would come in at 6am and then mine would come in at 6:20am. Then her nurses would come in and then mine would come in (on the days the nurses weren't the same). Needless to say, we were both tired on some mornings because of that. I did ask my nurse yesterday where I was on the list for my own room and she said I was close to the top. I am thrilled about that.

Oh, and yes I did complain about that one nurse. A lady comes in every week and asks me if anyone has been above and beyond in their service and if I had any complaints. I told her about the situation and she couldn't believe that would happen. She said that everyone does need to calm down about the swine flu and the nurse probably over reacted like that because people are tense about the situation. I suppose some women on this floor have chewed out a few nurses because they can't see their kids. I am not one of those women because I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me. When I am nice and understanding it seems like everyone else follows suit. Then my days are better and the nurses don't mind getting things for me. It's a win-win for me. :)

I saw my kids

Yesterday I was able to see my kids!!!!! YEAH!!!! We were all excited about that news. On Saturday I made some friendship bracelets for my girls to wear so they knew that I was still thinking of them. It is hard to explain to a kid that their parents are still thinking of them although I can't see them everyday. Yesterday when they came in, my oldest had hers on and they were both excited that I made it for them. My youngest had left her bracelet at home and her eyes popped out of her head and she had her sad face on. She was worried she had lost it. I told her I could make another one for her and the relief she felt was great to see. I missed my girls. They were so cuddly and my youngest perched herself on my lap and leaned against me to cuddle. She tried to suck her two fingers but she had a face mask on so that frustrated her a little bit. My oldest sat beside me and cuddled. She also hated the face mask. They could barely keep them on because the girls are so small and the masks are so big. We did keep pulling it up though. I was a little peeved because at the beginning of the visit my daughters mask had fallen down over her nose. At that precise second some nurse on a power trip saw it and said, "you better put that mask back on, they will kick you out. I am not kidding, they will kick you out, put it back on." My daughter was freaked because the lady was not nice about it and I was peeved because we had been trying to keep them on their faces. If they want kids to wear masks then they need to provide kid sized masks that they have downstairs in the pediatric unit. I think a little bit of courtesy goes a long way. You can't be that mean to people who are cooped up here all day and haven't been able to see their kids in a week. I just glared and Doug rolled his eyes. I was mad. Yes I understand everyone is freaking out about the swine flu but honestly, them wearing masks around me won't help me because I still kiss my kids. We weren't in my room because I am still sharing a room, so my room mate wasn't at risk. Whatever though. Some people feel the need to be mean but what they don't realize is that we (who are here on bed rest), have very little tolerance for mean nurses and we will go talk to the supervisors about it. :)

I can't wait to get my own room. Now that I have been here for a week (no it has not flown by), I am now able to wait for my own room. My nurse said there wasn't really a turnover last week so that means that this week there will be a ton of women having their babies. Yeah for me. It just puts me a little closer to my own room. Since there is a lot of irony in my life, that means I will have these babies either right before I get my own room or right after I get my own room. Then, I won't be up here any more, I will go to the postpartum. :}

Other than that, nothing really interesting happened. Although yesterday while I was waiting for my family and minding my own business, this random girl, who was sitting across the room, looks at me and says, "your belly is so huge. Are you having your baby today?" Yes, I rolled my eyes at her and said no, I have about 9 weeks left. She said, "wow, your belly is really big." Not like it was any of her business but I did tell her I was having twins. She said, "oh good, then there is a reason your belly is so big." I was peeved!!! I don't know why strangers feel the need to express their concern for my big belly. It was really irritating. Earlier in the day Julie and Courtney came by to visit. I felt great after they left because they told me I looked great and that I wasn't really that big. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Yes, I know there are 2 babies in there who are both growing. Yes, I know I will be getting bigger. Unfortunately, one of the babies is making too much fluid so that means I am bigger than I should be. But still, I love my friends who say I look great. I don't really appreciate random strangers who don't know me but feel the need to express their concern for me. :)

Really, other than that, not a lot has happened. :) I get ultrasounds 3 times a week and the techs also print out pictures of the babies' profiles. Actually, they can only get Baby A's profile. Every tech says that since they are identical one profile works, but they do keep trying to look. Baby B doesn't have the room to move around so he is always with his face toward my spine and balled up a little bit, like babies normally are. I have seen him once during a 3d ultrasound and he looked cute. They both look the same on the 3d ultrasound though. I really can't wait to see them. I don't know why I am so excited about that though....they will look like Doug!!! If you can imagine Doug as a baby then that is what these boys will look like, I know it. The girls already favor him, so will the boys. I do keep hoping for the blue eyes though. You can't see me, my fingers are crossed...so here's hoping. :)

Day 5

Doug's mom arrived early last night. They ate dinner and then Doug came over to be with me. As soon as Doug arrived his mom called and our youngest was in tears. She talked to Doug for a minute then I talked to our youngest. She was upset and it made me tear up as well. I could imagine this little girl just wanting to be hugged, with tears running down her face. Poor girl. :( We will see when they will let me bring the girls in here. I put my request in so we will see what happens.

So far things are still stable. I did find out a little fact that helps being stuck in here. Every day I am in here roughly equates to 2 days the babies don't have to be in the NICU. So, I know it helps but it is torture your kids aren't allowed in here. Stupid swine flu. The babies look great though and things are good for today. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and kind thoughts. I am still pregnant so they are obviously working.

Technology Woes

I woke up this morning and I ate my breakfast, like I normally do. I set my computer on my lap and I opened the internet. It didn't work!!! I tried again, and again, and again. It wasn't working. I was really freaking out because I couldn't get an internet connection and I thought it was just my computer. I really wanted to scream. I finished my breakfast and tried not to think about it, but with the internet being my ONLY access to the outside world, how do you not freak out about that? I tried everything I could think of and then I called Doug so I could whine to him about it. He tried to think of everything that would work and after nothing, he said I would just have to wait until he came tonight. NOOOOOO!!!!! That was like forever away in the land of the lost in the hospital. I didn't want to wait. Doug then tells me to ask my room mate if she had a connection or if it was just down everywhere. I finally ask and thank goodness, it was a bad connection all over the hospital. :) Okay then, at least they were working on it. I am not the only one who NEEDS the internet to work. :) Obviously, now I have the internet but I was panicking earlier. This would have made my wait here a lot harder to bear without the internet.

An article by Richard G. Scott

Last week my sister texted me and told me that at institute she had a great lesson and the article they went over was even better. She finally texted the name of the article to me and wow, it is a great article. It is called, "Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need" by Elder Richard G. Scott. You can just look it up at www.lds.org. I loved the whole talk but one thing did stand out to me. One line says, "When we keep the temple covenants we have made and when we live righteously … , we have no reason to worry or to feel despondent."

I love that. This was a great article and of course it all makes perfect sense. I am so glad we have leaders who are inspired by the Lord. We can honestly learn a lot from these men. I am also so glad I was able to enjoy conference at home, uninterrupted so I could fully listen to every speaker. We really enjoyed conference this year. I can't wait to go back and read some of the talks when I get the chance.

Day 3...I love my own pillow

A year ago Doug and I had to buy a new bed. We had our old one for a long time and it was time to replace it. Many of you know that I love to use coupons and of course I was bound to find a coupon for something free during our shopping trip. After looking for days on end at all of the different mattress retailers I found the best coupons were at Sleepy's. I ended up with 2 free latex pillows, that we love, by the end of that trip. :) Well, over the past few months I ended up taking Doug's pillow and my pillow so I can sleep better. ;) Now that I am in the hospital, I only have my pillow in here with me. It makes the difference between an okay night's of rest and a great sleep. I am so glad I have it. I wonder if I can get Doug to bring me his pillow and I would be set. :)

Visiting Rules: (pulled directly from the inova website)

• There will be two blocks of visiting hours – one from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. and one from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.
• Visitors with any symptoms of influenza-like illness are not allowed.
• Visitors (including siblings) under the age of 18 are not allowed.
• Only two people may visit an inpatient at a time.

So that is how it will be during the h1n1 swine flu scare (at least for now). Doug doesn't visit during the week during those times so don't worry if you want to come by then you won't be taking up his time with me. He doesn't have restrictions as to when he can visit so he comes by late at night, when he can. Until later on today...

Day 2 and BORED!!!

I have no idea how I will get through this, if I am already bored on day 2. YIKES!!! The problem is that I LOVE the fall and everything associated with it. I love the changing weather, the colors on the trees, the fall food I make every year without fail, my decorations for the fall and halloween, and the excitement of getting ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yes, I plan Thanksgiving and Christmas meals in October. I spend October testing out recipes and fixing the recipes to my tasting. By the time Thanksgiving and Christmas come around I have the perfect meal planned out and everyone loves what I have come up with. I can't do that from the hospital. :( Although I am excited that Doug's mom is coming; maybe she will make some caramel popcorn for me. I also love to make cookies and goodies for my friends. I love the look on their faces when I would randomly show up and present good treats. Oh well. I have all of next year to look forward to, I suppose.

I managed to get through today by texting a lot of my friends and family. Doug also came by for a couple of hours and that was great. Unfortunately, it ended up being him talking the whole time because he is the only one who has done anything in the last 24 hours. Any news about the babies I text him with immediately. It was fun to just have him here though, it wasn't so boring. I also found out that after I have been here for 7 days, my name gets put on a list for my own room at no charge. YEAH for that!! Again, am I excited to be here for that long, no but at least there is a perk...my own room. Soon I will be moved to a window bed, when one opens up.

A whirlwind

Monday, October, 5, 2009 was a whirlwind of a day. It started out normal enough; I woke up, ate breakfast, hurried to get my oldest ready for school and my youngest ready for the babysitter. I had an ultrasound scheduled at 9:30am and we needed to hurry. We all stayed up late the night before, we were at a friend's house for dinner. After the ultrasound, Doug started teasing me that I was going to be incarcerated in the hospital and that I wasn't leaving the hospital for a long time. I laughed as he teased but little did I know how true that was going to be. After a long wait, which is what happens when something is wrong, the doctor did come in and tell me that she wanted me to go to the Fairfax hospital because she wasn't sure when I would be delivering. Fairfax has the better NICU for preemies. So, I was leaving the hospital, only to return to another hospital in the same county. It was almost noon when we left the ultrasound appointment and I was hungry. I told Doug I wanted to go and explain to our oldest what was happening on the way to the hospital. I was also hungry so I wanted to eat lunch with her at her school. She was so excited to see us and I think she was excited we were eating with her.

She is a funny kid. She has always been able to make friends but seeing her with her friends was hilarious. We walked into the cafeteria and all sorts of boys-yes boys- were waving and calling at Emma. She just waved back like it was no big deal. She even sat right in the middle of a table full of boys (she was the only girl at the table), to eat her meal. Unfortunately she had to move to another table to eat with us because there wasn't room for us at her table of friends. After lunch we meandered over to where our youngest was so I could say good bye to her as well. Right now in the hospitals you aren't allowed to have your kids here because of the H1N1 flu scare. So, I needed to say good bye to my girls because I knew it would be a while before I saw them again. A nurse here thinks that the ban will be lifted after the patients here at the hospital have been vaccinated.

Eventually we made our way to the hospital. I could feel this weight just looming over me ready to drop at any minute. After they registered me and showed me to my room, the weight did drop. It is sooooooo BORING here!!!! I feel torn between being here for a long time and wanting to have these babies now. I know it is better if these babies stay inside for as long as possible but do I really want to be here? NO!! I want to be at home with my husband, my kids, my really nice bed, and my halloween decorations. I have never done well being couped up- ask Doug about what happened after our oldest was born and I was told she couldn't leave our apartment until May. FYI- she was born in early February. I had cabin fever so bad at one point Doug kicked me out of the apartment and told me to go to Sonic for a long while. It is hilarious now to look back and think of that time but I hated it.