Lots of Ups and Downs

I know I don't update the blog much but there are too many ups and downs for that. Every time I call or go over to the NICU there is always something different. Sometimes it is a good different and sometimes it isn't so great. For example, both boys have been doing well. Benjamin has really taken off and has done the best. He is on a nasal cannula right now and he is tolerating his feedings. He is also 3lbs 14oz and he keeps gaining weight. He is so much fun to hold and he is just cute. Jacob has had a harder time. I think it is directly related to the fact that they had Twin Twin Transfusion Syndrome and he was always behind. He is off the ventilator and hopefully he stays off of it. The doctors gave him a steroid that has pretty nasty side effects at a high dose. It is something I worry about though but that steroid is keeping him off the ventilator for now. Last week I was able to go in and help bathe him and I was also able to hold him for about an hour after that. That was Thanksgiving day. Since then I haven't been able to hold him because he works so hard to breathe that some days he doesn't do well and the nurses won't let me hold him. I hate those days. Jacob seems to do well when I am allowed to hold him. I hold him about once or twice a week and that is it. I hold Benjamin every time I go in to visit. Thank goodness there are two. If I can't hold one I can hold the other. It isn't the same because Jacob is different but that is okay. Doug hasn't been able to hold him yet so I can't complain much.

Being in the NICU Thanksgiving day was very interesting. We have so much to be thankful for. This pregnancy was full of downs and finally in the end there were some ups. I feel like I can breathe now although the boys are in the hospital and not with us. They were born and were able to gain a body. I love that. I am so grateful for that. Even though there are a lot of ups and downs these boys are true miracles. I didn't think the boys were going to get past the 16th week of pregnancy. Doug and I thought we were going to lose them back then. The fact that they are here is amazing and I feel very lucky and privileged that they came to me; even though it wasn't fun at all during this past summer.

We can't wait for them to come home but we do know that they are in the hospital for a reason and we will be more than okay bringing home 2 healthy babies. We can wait for that. We have waited this long for them to get here. What will another 7weeks do?